Ok. Here is a debate my wife and I have been having for months. The topic is this: Laura believes that somewhere in the world there is a person whose favorite movie is Wayne’s World 2. While I do not deny that the movie is decent and has some funny parts (namely Chris Farley’s “I got no where to go!” line), I cannot believe that there is ANYONE in the world whose absolute favorite movie is Wayne’s World 2; meaning if you asked someone “if you had to pick one movie as a favorite” nobody would say Wayne’s World 2.
So help me out, blogosphere. If you are someone who can prove me wrong, and Wayne’s World 2 is HONESTLY your favorite movie of all time or know someone whose favorite movie is WW2. Let me know, so we can end this silly debate and move on to more important subjects, like analyzing Charleton Heston’s movie roles compared to his off-screen persona.
I rung in 2009 on a pretty good note on the show front. Yesterday at the 1511 I was able to see a pretty ruling show featuring some awesome people. Indianapolis’ Denogginizer played first. They played well, although I was busy eating during a large portion of their set. Next was Half-Gorilla, a grind band from Milwaukee. I was pretty impressed by them, honestly. I’m not way into grind, but I thought they did a good job of blending grind and punk to create a combination that I can get behind. Fart Wayne’s Daisycutter killed it. I may be somewhat biased, since I have toured with some of these dudes, but they were awesome. They played about 30 songs in 35 minutes or so. I can definitely get behind that. Also, their singer, Nate, is the most intimidating frontman in hardcore. Closing the show was Indy’s harbingers of mosh, Worldeater. They played really well, the mix of the band was off and it just sounded kind of muddy and really hard to differentiate between instruments at time. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy it: they ruled. I just wasn’t stoked on the tone, which is a minor complaint. Overall a good show. Micah did it right and made some killer chili and a good time was had be me.
Recently, I discovered that I can stream my Netflix movies to my Xbox. Sounds like an awesome idea, right? Well, it is, except the only movies that I can stream through my box are movies that no one would really want to rent. Take what I watched yesterday:
Paul Mooney- Analyzing White America- Man, I was hoping for a little more of a biting monologue, instead it was a bunch of “white people do something this way, and black people do something that way.” It was like if Chris Rock lost his wit and somehow merged with Tim “The Toolman” Taylor and did some 3rd rate stand-up. Of the “controversial” topics he addressed: 9/11; the word “nigger”; and slavery. HOW BITING AND ORIGINAL!
Next, I watched this kick ass BBC “Documentary” series called Before the Dinosaurs: Walking with Monsters. Usually, I am really turned off by CGI, but this was awesome. They essentially used CGI to construct a Discover Channel style documentary about the Earth 400 million years ago. While this method did get kind of cheesy at time (like having blood spray “on the camera” following a kill) and I question some of the science behind the movie (namely, their descriptions of the mating rituals of amphibians 300 million years ago. How the fuck do they know?!), overall this was a really well constructed, informative, and interesting way to address this information. I was hooked. I hope they make more about the actual dinosaurs.
Finally, here is a joke that I wrote that would make the cut easily, but I really don’t have much of a way to use it at all.
My dryer has three settings. The middle one is called “optimal,” meaning the other two should be called “unnecessary.”
There you go. I’m going to a show tonight, so expect something soon.
Happy freaking 2009. If you look at my posting history, I wasn’t very deep into the blog in 2008. Sorry. I had shit to do.
Anyway, my goal for the ought-nine is to restart my blog, but with a narrower focus: entertainment. I’m not going into the world of celeb-gossip (although I will report what I see- so stop smoking crack in my back yard, Tom Hanks), but I am going to solely focus on shit that has been entertaining me throughout the year. The new focus for my blog will for reviewing movies, books, punk shows, and other bullshit I do for entertainment.
Here you go. My 2009 gift for you. Entertain me, fuckos.
Nate did this, I thought it was a good idea.
So, here is my 2007 year in review:
Overall, it’s been pretty decent. The past 2 months have been killer, though.
+ Another awesome year of marriage and owning a house
+ WDC Tour
+ Propagandhi in Chicago and Cincy
+ Getting new gear, and being stoked about it
+ Joining Maravich
+ Being awesome at my current job
+ Bands from Indianapolis ruling
+ Being hella motivated and focused (THANK YOU, ADDERALL!)
+ Meeting new people, making new friends, and not losing anyone.
+ Getting an I-Pod
+ Working out consistently/ losing weight
+ Only working 1 job for the past month
+ Writing for a zine
- Quitting teaching
- WDC breaking up unceremoniously
- The god damned po-pos.
- Gas prices
- Not reading enough
- Working 2 jobs for the majority of the year
- Decidedly Masculine floundering and fading away
- The occasional drama
Next Year:
Going back to school
Running, Racketball, and Lifting
Maravich playing more shows
WDC incarnate being awesome
Much music playing and practice
Still kicking ass at the job
Getting closer to getting out of debt
Being stoked on life in general
My mom and bro coming here from Bosnia
Laughing in Ali’s face on the regular
And that’s what I am, while being constantly annoyed by the following people while at work (Thanks to the peeps at the Kruse-Phillips X-Mas Blast on Saturday for their input):
1. The Dieter (Seriously. I don’t care how many points that doughnut is worth. Seriously.)
2. The Celeb Gossiper
3. The Devil’s Advocate
4. The Total Bummer (I know that working usually blows, but be excited about something. Goddamnit!)
5. The New Employee Full of “Fresh Ideas”
6. Preggers who complain to me about being preggers. (I mean, you do have options, right?)
7. The Creepy Old Dude
8. The Computer Illiterate (It’s nearly 2008. Learn how to double-click or quit your job.)
9. The Perfect Employee
10. The Boss’ Best Friend
11. Dude Who Takes Shitty Job Too Seriously
12. Religious Quack
13. The Forwarder and Reply-All-er (Usually the same person. Learn how to use your goddamn e-mail and the picture of the cat “hanging in there” has never been funny.)
14. The Newly Enlightened Politico (Oh really, you watched an Inconvenient Truth? Here’s one for you: you’re goddamned annoying.)
15. The By-the-Booker
16. The Country Hen
17. 40 Year Dude Still Living in High School, aka 40 going on 15
18. The Lame-o, aka 25 going on 75
I think that is a pretty comprehensive list.
I got nothing new today. So, as filler, here’s another joke that has missed the cut.
I got married at a pretty early age. My wife and I started dating when we were 18 and got married when we were 24. So, I never got involved in the anynomously hooking-up with random people at bars scene. But sometimes I like to pretend. I wake up in the morning in my own bed next to my wife. I get totally freaked out, and start thinking loudly, “what the fuck did I do last night, and where the fuck am I. And who the fuck is she- looking at my wife.” She was a really good sport about it, but she made me end my occasional fantasy after we got a bill from the STD clinic for $3000 for hundreds of tests that only proved that I hadn’t contracted an STD.
What can I say? It missed the cut. I’m not promising freaking Bill Hicks. Give me a break.
I had a kid ask me the other day, “Ian, is Santa Claus real?” I responded with the only answer I could surmise that wouldn’t either destroy this kid’s idea of Christmas and his parents (“No”), or make me look like a gullible idiot (“Yes.”). My answer: “If you believe in Santa Claus, then he exists.” I laughed at my answer. Not because of my rabid attempt to avoid the question, but I laughed at my response. It was the same answer I give kids to the question, “do you believe in god?”
I began to think of the parallels between Santa Claus and the typical Westernized version of God. They both are these omnipotent who can “see you when you’re sleeping, know when you’re awake, and knows if you’ve been bad or good.” And you had better be good for goodness sake, because both God and Santa will come with gifts to those who do good (heaven, presents, etc.) and terrible punishments for those bad boys and girls (hell, coal, etc). Parents and religious use this threat of needing to appease this all-mighty being to twist people’s arms into being a “moral” person.
The other day, I wrote a little about St. Nicholas and Christian conservatives trying to do away with Santa. They are totally wrong about this. If anything, they should be embracing Santa Claus. Santa is a very real figure to kids who brings a significant tangible reward that is gained through obedience to the watchful eye. In this essence, Santa Claus is the first level of indoctrination, through whom parents prepare their children for a life under surveillance of an all-powerful, all-seeing being. Under this surveillance, any shred of selflessness that a child may have is drained, while children are taught to obey authority regardless of the request or to meet the wrath of this all-knowing, all seeing being. The emphasis is not do good for others out of the kindness of your heart. The emphasis is do good deeds because you don’t want to piss of Santa.
I also found out that Santa’s reindeer is an allusion to Germanic pagan deity, Odin. That’s pretty metal, I guess.
This would be my “seasonal” comic:
Box 1:
Right Wing Religious Dude- “Santa Claus is corrupting the meaning of Christmas! We need to do away with Santa Claus and teach the real story behind Christmas: the birth of Christ!”
Box 2:
The Penguin- “Sir? You do realize that Santa Claus is derived from St. Nicholas, right? You know? St. Nicholas, the patron saint of Christmas, whose most famous deeds were giving anonymous gifts to families in dire need.”
Box 3:
The Penguin- “Whose existence and deeds can be verified, unlike those of Christ’s: whose reported birth, deeds, and death is mostly an amalgamation of early Jewish folklore and Pagan myths.
Box 4-
The Penguin- “If anything, the ‘Christmas Spirit,’ as we know it- of celebrating charity, kindness, and giving- has much more to do with the deeds of St. Nicholas than the story of the birth of Christ.”
Box 5-
Right Wing Religious Dude and The Penguin stare uncomfortably.
Box 6-
Right Wing Religious Dude- “err… If you were to switch the “t” and the “n” in Santa, you’d have SATAN! How do you respond to that?”
The Penguin- (mutters) “Humans…”
Case Study 1- Metallica.
1. Play with your fingers.
2. Play with a pick.
3. Slap that bass.
I needn’t say any more.
